Health Homework (30.1) Complement your Bucket List with a Fuckit List

We grow from our commitments but we also suffer from them. The goal of a fuckit list is to realize that maybe we’re dragging around an improperly-chosen emotional tombstone that we need to shrug off.

“The goal of a bucket list isn’t to do crazy stupid stuff in a futile retort to the inescapability of death but to fully manifest one’s desires and values while one is alive, especially those desires and values that one has postponed out of shame or obligation.”

In Health Homework 10, my recommendation was “Live your bucket list now… or at least as soon as possible” because I had at that time watched two family members “pass away” with many unlived wishes and desires—for friendship, for vacations to nearby cities, for trips to museums. The goal of a bucket list isn’t to do crazy stupid stuff in a futile retort to the inescapability of death but to fully manifest one’s desires and values while one is alive, especially those desires and values that one has postponed out of shame or obligation. For practicality and sociability, we all have to postpone desires and values; when death comes knocking, then we know it is “now or never” for us to do the things we most wanted.

A few weeks ago, I was algorithmed into watching a video in which the speaker performs mental contorsions in order to liberate himself from the desires represented in his bucket list. I found his exercise—and his rationale for using it—to be essentially worthless except that—yes, of course—we can all benefit from questioning our goals from time to time. One of the comments (which I often find to be of better value than the original videos) stated, “I dont have a Bucket List, but my Fuckit List is a mile long.” And there it was…the comment that helped me crystalize the idea that we grow from our commitments but we also suffer from them.

“We grow from our commitments but we also suffer from them. … The goal of a fuckit list is to realize that maybe we’re dragging around an improperly-chosen emotional tombstone that we need to shrug off. ” DrV

Nietzsche (N) described two types of freedom—positive and negative.

• “Negative freedom” describes that one is free “from” something—freed from physical slavery, freed from mental slavery. This type of freedom is essentially the movement from negativity to neutrality, but it is not sufficient for the fulfilment of human experience nor for the advancement of human culture, the latter of which was one of N’s major goals. This type of freedom fits with what N called “slave morality.”

• “Positive freedom” describes that one is free “to do” something or to think in a more open manner; you are free to move toward that which you desire. As such, this type of freedom fits with what he called “master morality.” Positive freedom is the freedom to be creative, generous, intelligent, carefree at times, and spontaneous.

In truth, we need both types of freedom—negative and positive. We need to be free from bullshit and harmful/unbeneficial restraints/obligations, and we need to be free to move toward the expression of our creativity/generativity.

These ideas are somewhat similar to those in my previous post “Health Homework 29 Stop adapting to bad situations; use your adaptive abilities only for necessary and positive circumstances”

As such, the goal of a fuckit list is to realize that maybe we’re dragging around an emotional tombstone that we need to shrug off.

The goal of a fuckit list is 1) to realize that we all make commitments to ideals and ways of living when we are too young and inexperienced to know better, and then 2) to free ourselves from those false passions (pseudopassions) and false commitments (pseudocommitments).

Maybe we don’t have to have a BUCKET LIST that includes driving a Ferrari or climbing Mount Everest in order to feel complete but rather realize—in our FUCKIT LIST—that our sense of incompleteness originated from a false sense of failure or shame from a wrongly-chosen goal or ideal that was never or is no longer correct for us.

A beautiful song that I have recently enjoyed does a good job of demonstrating the happiness that one can have after liberating oneself from a wrongly-chosen goal; in this case, she’s describing the leaving of a negative/abusive relationship, but the ideas and feelings could also apply to leaving a religion or leaving a job. I’ve provided the lyrics and my translation below, just as I did previously with Beautiful witty Irish-Colombian song [VIDEO] about respecting food, its origins and caretakers.

Me fui acostumbrando que el café en la mañana siempre supiera amargo, A que los días de lluvia se nos hicieran largos

• You had me getting used to the experience that coffee in the morning always had to be bitter, and that the rainy days always had to be long

Tú convertías en negro todo lo que era blanco; Me fuiste acostumbrando a discutir por las tonterías que no importaban; Que aunque tuviera yo la razón, igual te la daba; A que las rosas son solo espinas que se te clavan

• You turn everything white into black; you got me used to arguing over stupid pettiness that was not important, and that I was never right, and that all roses were only thorns

Y ahora estoy bailando (bailando), Sonriendo (sonriendo), Silbando, Nadie me está jodiendo

• But now I’m dancing, smiling, whistling, and no-one is screwing me over

Me aumentaron el sueldo, Canto cuando me baño, No hay otoño ni invierno, Primavera to’ el año, Saludo a los vecinos, Ya no hay perros que ladren, Desde que tú te has ido Me ha ido de puta madre

• They raised my salary, I sing in the shower; there is no winter because it is spring all year. I greet the neighbors. The dogs don’t bark. Since you’ve gone away, the bitchiness of life has gone away.

Qué bien me va, me va, me va; Desde que tú te has ido

• Everything is going well since you have gone away.

El teléfono suena y no para; Hoy tengo tantos planes para el fin de semana; Los amigos que se fueron, regresan; Cerrando cada herida, abriendo una cerveza

• The phone rings nonstop; I have so many plans for the weekend. The friends that left have returned; we close our wounds together by opening a beer.

El espejo me dice: ¡Guapa!; Estás en tu mejor etapa; Ay, quiérete, sacúdete; Que lo malo es un TBT (throw back Thursday)

• The mirror tells me “You’re beautiful—this is the best time of your life!” Love yourself, move/shake yourself, the worst is to dwell on the past

[repeat previous per below]

Y ahora estoy bailando (bailando); Ay, sonriendo (sonriendo), Silbando, Nadie me está jodiendo, Me aumentaron el sueldo, Canto cuando me baño, No hay otoño ni invierno, Primavera to’ el año, Saludo a los vecinos,

Toa’ las puertas se abren, Desde que tú te has ido, Me ha ido de puta madre

• All the doors are opening; since you’ve gone away, life isn’t a bitch

Qué bien me va, me va, me va, Desde que tú te has ido, Qué bien me va, me va, me va, Desde que tú te has ido

• Everything is going better since you’ve gone away